242. A Leader’s Job is Not To Be Liked

You don’t need to like me.
I’d like you to, but it’s ok if you don’t.

I am far from perfect. I make mistakes and have human flaws.

I don’t always make the right decisions.
I don’t always say the right words.
I don’t always do the right thing.

You don’t need to like me.
That’s not my goal in life.
I don’t act like I do in order to be liked.

If I see something I don’t agree with, I speak my mind.
If I see something that’s broken, I try to fix it.
If I see somebody who could do better, I let them know.

I don’t do it for you to like me. I do it because I care.

You don’t need to like me.
After all, I haven’t always liked myself.

I’ve lived most of my life feeling like an imposter. I wanted acknowledgment for my achievements to prove I was good enough.

I wanted approval from other people in order to approve myself.

I wanted people who seemed better than me to hoist me up, not knowing that the ladder of self-worth is best climbed alone.

Eventually, I realized I was digging my own hole with my behavior. And at some point, I realized that I had the power to put down the shovel and stop the digging. And when I put down the shovel, I noticed that I had a ladder with me all along. And so I used that ladder to climb out of my hole.

And once I climbed out of my hole, I began to look around and see the world with fresh eyes. What I noticed was that a lot of others have spent a lot of time digging, and the world was littered with people’s own personal holes.

So I decided to move forward into the world and keep my ladder with me. And I decided that, when I see somebody digging, I will use the ladder to give them a chance to put down their shovel and hoist themselves out of their hole if that is what they are ready to do.

And this is why you really don’t need to like me.
Because leadership is not about being liked.

Sometimes, in order to be a good leader, you need to help people when they are struggling because they are struggling, not because of whether they like you or not.

To be a good leader, you need to be able to work with people who don’t like you. You need to be able to earn the trust and respect of others, even if they don’t agree with you.

A leader’s job is not to be liked.

A leader’s job is to make difficult decisions, even when they’re unpopular decisions. Even when there is no good choice. It’s to do what’s right, even when people may not like you for doing it.

A leader’s job is to challenge the status quo and push people outside of their comfort zones, even though they may be frustrated with your pushing.

A leader’s job is to be honest and transparent, to be fair and consistent, to be open to feedback, accountable and supportive.

A leader’s job is not to be liked.

Leadership is about being effective, regardless of whether anybody likes you.

In fact, it’s impossible to be liked by everyone. If you try, you will fail.

You won’t be able to make difficult decisions.
You won’t be able to stand up for what you believe in when what you believe in is not the popular choice.

If you try to be liked by everyone, in the end, you won’t be trusted or respected by anyone.

After all, a leader’s job is not to be liked. It’s to be trusted and respected.

To earn trust and respect, you need to be consistent. You need to be fair and just. You need to be empathetic and compassionate. And you need to be decisive and courageous as you hold people accountable for their actions.

You don’t need to like me.
But I want you to trust me.
I want to earn your respect.

And maybe if you do both, maybe then, you will like me in the end anyway.

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As I think you know, I coach and consult leaders when they are ready to climb out of their holes