280. Work-Life Balance Is A Lie. Here’s Why.

Work-life balance is a terrible idea.

You think it’s a good idea, but that’s only because you haven’t fully thought it through. That’s why I’m here.

You’re welcome.

When I ask my coaching clients what they mean by “work-life balance” they usually say some version of “I want to work less.”

But that’s not work-life balance. That’s just working less.

It’s like eating a Big Mac and french fries for every meal and claiming you want a more balanced diet, so you eat less french fries.

That’s not the answer. That’s not how it works.

Work-life balance can’t be achieved with some trickery of time commitments. You’re not going to suddenly have balance simply by working only 20 hours a week.

Work-life balance requires a completely different mind shift than you think. And it’s not a good mind shift.

Let me explain.

The Emotional Energy Of Work-Life Balance

The majority of people who say they want work-life balance really just want to focus their energies on activities outside of work. This concept is important to understand.

You see, our passions are driven by our emotional energy. You tend to put more emotional energy into something you are passionate about.

But we have a finite amount of emotional energy to use. Whatever your capacity is, you only have 100% of it to give.

You know what, let me illustrate this with a picture of a triangle on the back of a Chipotle napkin. As luck would have it, I have one of those right here. What’re the odds?

Your life is lived on the edge of this triangle. The edge of the triangle represents your emotional energy. Wherever you are on the edge represents how you’re splitting your emotional energy.

The three corners of the triangle represent “career”, “relationships” and “self-care”. Those are your only three choices.

It is impossible, within our current space-time continuum, for you to focus all of your energy on all three elements at the same time. That would take 300% of your energy and, remember, you only have 100% available.

So let’s say you are super passionate about your career and your sole goal in life is to succeed at work. You’d be focusing 100% of your emotional energy in the “career” corner and none of that effort on relationships or self-care.

I’m not saying you won’t do any self-care or have relationships, I’m saying your top priority, your basis for decision-making, and the first thing you think about when you wake up will always be your career.

Make sense?
Good.
Cause here’s where it gets a little tricky.

Why Work-Life Balance Is A Lie

Let’s say you’re living life in that bottom left corner of the triangle – 100% of your emotional energy is focused on your career. The more you move away from the corner, the less emotional energy you will put into your career and the more emotional energy you will start putting into, say, relationships.

It’s a sliding scale that always equals 100%.

Now let’s say you land right in the middle of the edge between work and relationships. The so-called “balanced life”, right?

Wrong.

There is nothing in balance here. All you have is 50% of your energy focused on your career and 50% focused on your relationships.

Basically, your so-called “balanced life” means you aren’t passionate about anything. While you are working, you’re feeling guilty about not spending more time on your relationships, and while you’re at home you’re feeling guilty that you aren’t working. Every day simply becomes a choice of what to feel more guilty about.

Plus, you’re practically ignoring self-care.

This so-called “balanced life” is probably a pretty unhappy life.

As I said before, work-life balance is a terrible idea.

But there’s a better solution.

Prioritizing The Commitment

The solution to a well-balanced life is commitment prioritization.

I love that term, commitment prioritization. And I just made it up 5 seconds ago.

The ideal life is one in which you can focus 100% of your emotional energy in each of the three corners to whatever extent gives you happiness.

Commitment prioritization means you prioritize what is most important at the time, and then you commit to it fully.

When you are working, your emotional energy is focused on improving your career. When you go home, your life becomes solely focused on improving your relationships.

Nothing else takes precedent.

It’s not about the hours. In fact, with commitment prioritization, you can work 50 hours a week and still have satisfaction in all three areas of life.

There is no balancing involved. Balancing doesn’t work.

It’s Time To Stop Complaining About Work-Life Balance

The healthiest life is one in which you can commit to a different emotional priority based on what’s required at the time.

It’s not easy. In fact, it’s really friggin hard.
But I know you, and you can do hard things.

So if you find yourself complaining that you don’t have a work-life balance, just stop.

Be grateful.
And shift your energy. Learn to prioritize your emotional commitment.

Once you do that, your time will all fall into place.